HEAR ME!
A lot has changed since we switched to remote communication. Those of us who preferred hugging and kissing according to proximity, those who said “a handshake is enough,” and those who prioritized face-to-face communication were among us. Some of us even used to say, “a phone call or a message is sufficient; why bother with long details and time-wasting?” However, in the end, we found ourselves looking at each other through a window. Moreover, we could discreetly or openly get lost in the crowd of a meeting room or in our phones or notes, for example; it’s not that easy now. All we have left are the looks and words that facilitate communication. And the other faces we need to focus on.
Recently, a manager was talking about how a team member, who didn’t want to turn on their camera because they didn’t want to reveal their home environment, disrupted team cohesion when all the other team members had their cameras on. Now, many of our managers are curious about how their employees manage their work at home. After all, you can’t know without seeing!
However, beyond the visible dimensions of relationships like words, body language, and tone of voice, there is also an invisible part that we are sure exists between the parties. And this part gradually takes shape from the very first moment the relationship begins. What we experience, our excitement, our disagreements, what we can talk about, our openness to listening, our silences, our happiness, our fun, and many other experiences add spirit to the relationship. In a relationship, we see not what we are looking at today, but the past that created today. When a relationship is strong, we know how to believe and trust even when we don’t see and talk. We can focus on what is said, the results, or the needs without creating scenarios in our minds.
As a social being, humans inevitably want to establish relationships with others and share their lives. One part of us loves “me” a lot; the others want those around them to think, act, and approve just like them. If we were to say, “then live on an island by yourself,” it wouldn’t be accepted. The other part of us is looking to be with others, socialize, and engage with others. Balance calls us in this story as well. Even the most introverted among us seek companionship at some point, and the most extroverted among us can seize the opportunity to spend time in their own shell.
Sometimes, even if we don’t really want to stay in a relationship, we continue on our path due to reasons like not being able to say no, not wanting to hurt someone, the fear of losing that person, or, in the case of work, the fear of losing the job, and we continue with resentments and habits. Ending it with courage can sometimes bring relief and sometimes regret. However, relationships, with all their dynamics, are teaching us. They are the path to getting to know ourselves and life. Most importantly, they reflect ourselves; in our relationships, we have the chance to meet the part of us we get most angry at or that inspires us the most. But that’s another topic for another day.
Communication, whether from afar or up close, is still based on the same dynamics. In our lives surrounded by distant or close relationship networks, the need for connection is crucial. One of my favorite sayings is, “Every complaint is an expression of a need.” This need could be mine or someone else’s. Perhaps all these sarcasms, remarks, and assumptions are indicators of the need to be heard. Any unheard need awaits the next explosion.
By keeping our radar open and sharing, asking, and listening to what we see or feel, we can build trust and a strong foundation for relationships. This may not necessarily require being in the same office or environment. In all our relationships, by putting intention and understanding, we can build a stronger and more trusting relationship together. Without delay, with determination, and a little bit of courage…
